The next race-meeting at Cartmel is scheduled for Friday 24th June, the day when most people will wake up wondering whether Britain is still part of the European Union. I don't know which way you're planning to vote, but here on the Cartmel peninsula I'm optimistic that we'll be offered a third option on the ballot paper – Cartmexit.
state of Cartmel, encompassing Cark, Flookburgh and Grange-over-Sands, will be
ready to negotiate trade deals with nations throughout the world… although
there is likely to be a strong emphasis on self sufficiency too, which means
that established producers such as Cartmel Sticky Toffee Pudding, Willow Water,
Cartmel Cheeses and the micro-brewery at Unsworth's Yard will become vital
staples of our economy. Doubters on the campaign trail have questioned whether
man can live on beer and sticky toffee pudding alone, but I see no reason why
we shouldn't give it a try.
to welcome visitors of course - and I hope that we'll adopt an enlightened
position towards immigration. The British culinary repertoire has benefited
significantly in recent generations from the influx of recipes from India,
Italy and Greece. Despite the anxiety-inducing headlines, I'm looking forward to
discovering more about the Turkish palate: their taste for slow roasted mutton
could be a sublime match for salt-marsh lamb, reared locally on the shores of
Russians and Glaswegians will all be made to feel very much at home in Cartmel,
where many already come to visit Simon Rogan’s fabled restaurant L’Enclume. We
might adopt a points-based-system for Yorkshiremen, linked to their propensity
to open their wallets. No offence intended, it's just that we will need
visitors to spend money in the Cartmel economy.
In fact, I
suspect we might make it a law that every visitor has to dine at least twice a
day in one of the excellent local pubs and restaurants - including
the recently opened Ilex Restaurant, located in the courtyard at Holker Hall.
The laws will be agreed through a democratically elected parliament and forged
in the fire of the Cartmel Court. I know it sounds a bit old fashioned, but a
similar rule of law once worked quite well in Britain, before the European
Union took precedence.
Cartmel Racecourse are unlikely to notice much difference – many already
comment, on arrival, that they feel as though they’ve entered another world. I
guess it’s possible that the newly formed Cartmel Horseracing Authority will
grant the racecourse some additional fixtures - supported through the Racing
Right, a new piece of legislation which will ensure that off-shore bookmakers
in locations like Gibraltar, England and Wales pay a fair price for the
off-course betting product.
The Racing Right will help us to raise prize funds
so that previous Cartmel winners, like Commissioned (this week’s selection),
won’t have to go scrapping around on the Flat for minor
trophies like the Queen Alexandra Stakes at Royal Ascot on Saturday.
the vote goes next week, I hope that you’ll join us at the racecourse to
celebrate the result – because, even if Cartmel votes ‘leave’, we like it
better when we’re all together. Does that make things clearer? Happy voting.